life at home: the good, the bad, & the internet

it is a full on, 100+ degrees, humid as florida summer here in KC, and with a {4} month old, i don't get out much.  so that leaves me to my thoughts.  thoughts about parenting, how to stay excited about my new full-time job, and who's turn is it to make the bottle.  i wonder why some women choose to stay home, while others choose to return to work.  as a new(ish) mom, i have a fair amount of time to think up my answers to all my questions, but i know i'm not always right.  this post will be devoted to my thoughts on staying home, being a parent, how Ry fits in, and the internet, my new BFF.

life before a baby centered on ME...and ryan, and what me we wanted to do at each moment of the day.  we were both working, making money, spending money, taking trips, eating out, going to the movies, and exercising.  everyone knows that when a baby comes along, the me focus has to change to them. call me captain obvious.  oh, and i'm not complaining.  not at all, just stating some facts thoughts i have. now, i realize staying home doesn't work for everyone.  and i'm not trying to force my thoughts on anyone else, because i am the first person who will tell you to raise your kids/plan or not plan your family how you want to, and always, always, always do what works easiest/ best for you.  staying home just works for us.  for many reasons: childcare costs an arm and a leg (literally), i couldn't convince myself in 37 1/2 weeks that someone else would love all over my kid the way i do, i grew up going to daycare (and turned out just fine) so i wanted to see the other side, i wasn't in love w/ my job, and almost peed my pants (not literally) thinking about staying home with E.   there are pros and cons to our situation:

Pro
-i don't miss the little changes she undergoes daily
-we have already built a strong bond
-i get to cuddle her, even if she'd rather i not
-i can maintain a clean house
-i can run errands (early in the morning) otherwise put off for the weekends
-she gets to fall asleep and wake up at her house (familiar is always good)
-ryan and i can create whatever schedule we want her to be on... right now, there is no schedule
-the dogs get to go in and out all day (in more than out, we have weird dogs)
-laundry doesn't (usually) get backed up
-i can cook dinner... or fix it from a bag, whatever :)
-i can, and sometimes do, stay in my pj's all day (ry thinks it's hot)

Cons
-i have champagne, no i have good wine taste, on a Natty Lite budget
-daytime TV is crappy
-i can, and sometimes do, stay in my pj's all day (gets depressing)

all my cons are pretty minimal, i think.

all in all i feel blessed, lucky, thankful to have the opportunity and support to stay home.  i also am human and a girl, so it's hard to think like my new strengths are washing bottles, wiping a precious hiney, doing laundry, and having a clean house.  you definitely don't feel like a goddess when you get spit-up on multiple times a day, forget to brush your teeth until 3pm, or staying up all night rocking a fuss-a-saurus rex (that's what we call E when she's a handful).   being a mom is a tough job.  there's many old there that would disagree, so i'm only saying i think it's hard.  there's a lot of pressure out there to be the perfect mom.  don't let your kids sleep in your bed, they will have attachment issues, only breastfeed or your kid won't be healthy, put them on a schedule from the beginning, swaddle them, yada, yada, yada.  there are so many 'rules' out there, how can they all be right?  as you all already know, i don't follow a schedule and i do what works for us instead of what all the 'experts' say.  good, bad, or indifferent, that's what i choose.  i wish i could tell you that my method is the best, but i still have a fussy kids sometimes.  a kid that doesn't sleep through the night.  one that cries when a stranger holds her, and one that is only on formula now.  i'm not the best mom, but E thinks i'm pretty darn close to it.  that's what matters to me.  if my kid is happy and healthy, is taught good manners, treats people with kindness and respect, and doesn't cheat or steal, then i've done my job. now, she might sleep in our bed til she's 10 or 40 (i told my parents i'd sleep in their bed til i was 40)?  she might not do well at her first sleepover, and call me to come get her (i did).  she will throw a tantrum at the most inopportune time, that i'm sure of.  it's a given that she will catch colds and get germs.  i can only be there to cuddle in bed with her, pick her up when she wants to come home, teach her that tantrums don't get you what you want, and nurse her back to her playful self when she has a bug.  this is how easy i make it sound in my head.

so this next thought is a wife's perspective on how my hubs feels.  these thoughts are probably somewhat accurate or could be totally way-off.  i'll let ryan post a response to this if he wants.  i'd like to know his perspective on fatherhood... i know he loves it, but i want him to spill his guts on his fears, what he wants for his daughter, how good/bad he is at all things baby, and how he sees me after a c-section, stitches, and big panties (TMI??? sorry).  i'm not sure i can convince him to share all this, but i promise to try.

i think ryan is a great dad.  he's a great dad in a very attentive-doesn't want her to be uncomfortable at all-  tries really hard to help me in the middle of the night- isn't scared to get dirty-wants to provide for her every need kind of way.  he'd buy her the moon if she wanted it.  remember how i told you he uses 20 wipes per diaper?  well, he is so concerned that she'll get a UTI that he wipes every inch of her tushy.  he's concerned about her sun exposure.  worries about if she's getting enough sleep.  leaves the house early so he can come home early to see her.  is a little picky about who holds her (if you've held her, you know you met his standard, or maybe he talked about you after we got home :)  ).  he might not know at what age we start cereal, what diaper rash looks like, or what food allergies are, but he's in it.  he's willing to learn whatever it takes to help her grow up big and strong.  because he wants to be all in this, that's a great dad.  he doesn't leave the hard stuff to me.  he says we are a team.  and did i mention, he uses 20 wipes to clean her bum.  oh i did.

now on to my new obsession.  the internet!  when i should be napping as E naps, i can't pull myself away from facebook, pinterest, younghouselove, Just Us, pickyourplum, yahoo, zulily, shabbycreekcottage, couponsuzy, babycenter, and as of today, joss and main.  i've gotten sucked into decorating and diying things for our house on the cheap...well, i've gotten sucked into at least thinking about it.  i've also decided to organize and clean out all the clutter in our house.  we are getting lean and mean, and only keeping things we need.  we've decided we waste a lot, we have stuff that we don't need or use, and others can get better use out of it.

another goal is to save money where we can.  cut coupons, don't spend money M-Th, and check out books from the library.  i hope i'm not making you all think we are financially struggling, because if you know my husband, you know he's socked away his whole life, so this save money challenge is simply to see how much frivolous spending we can eliminate. what we save will go to E's college fund.  she might sleep with her momma until college, but the girl is going to college.

now, if you want, share your thoughts on parenting with us, tell me your favorite websites, so maybe i can get hooked into a few more, and leave any tips that have made life easier for those experienced parents out there.  again, none of my thoughts are meant to make anyone feel like our parenting style is better than anyone else's.  i just needed to share my thoughts, since E doesn't quite understand what i say to her.  thanks for being my outlet tonight.

tara